Goals

A goal without a plan is just a dream. I really don't know if I made this up, or I heard it somewhere. It has really resonated with me.  Seriously, think about it! A goal without a plan is JUST a dream! We tend not to act on things when they are just a dream. So make the plan and achieve your goals!

Well, the holidays are finally over. Thank goodness. I like the lead up to Christmas, I just don't like the actual date. It really is a lot of work! Worst part is that I have still been eating like shit. Haven't been working out as diligently. I've been drinking my wine, LOTS of carbs (so needless to say my stomach feels like shit) and of course sugar. That demon sugar! I have just a little bit and it makes me want to binge!

End of year. Time to make my plans. I have never been one to do New Years Resolutions, as I feel that just saying that dooms me to failure.

What do I want to accomplish this year? Truthfully?

I want to lose another 50 lbs.
I want to ride the Oro Medonte rail trail to Barrie.
I want to consistently eat better so that I don't have stomach issues.
I want to participate in some sort of sports competition. Mudderella or the Barrie Tri.
I want to sell my company for the amount of money that I feel it should sell for.

So, with the exception of the last one, what is my why? And how am I going to achieve these things?

Lost 50 lbs: Why? Because I am sick to death of my body aching. Because I hate the way that I look when I see myself naked. Because I know that sex will be better without it.

How will I do this? Here is my plan. From now (December 28th) until I leave for Jamaica (March 9th), I will eat on plan. No bread. No alcohol. No added sugar. I will preplan my meals, and pack snacks every day. I will get some form of exercise for at least 30 minutes every day. Even if it means walking around the building at work.

Riding the rail trail and participating in the competition event: I will increase the amount of strength training I do at they gym. Use the Beachbody workouts to help me with that. Increase my stamina so that I can jog for at least 10 kms. I think if I can get to the 10 km mark I will be able to do the activities.

So, these are my goals, and these are how I intend to achieve them. No more dreaming!

Do We Really Need a WHY?

I have battled my weight since I was 12 years old. I have never been a small person, but have strived to get that way all my adult life. Seriously I remember like it was yesterday the first diet that I ever went on. It was called the sunshine diet. I remember having to eat an orange with lunch and dinner every day. I guess the theory behind it is the fibre from the orange would fill you up, therefore you would eat less. I didn't touch oranges after that for more than 10 years. I have tried everything from pills and potions to hypnotherapy. Nothing has been able to stop me from eating....let alone me.\

Sugar is my demon. It is the proverbial monkey on my back. I love all things sweet. Cakes, cookies, pies, chocolates. You name it and I love it. And once I start eating it I can't stop. It becomes a complete obsession! Seriously, I can't stop once I start. Until it's all gone. I really hate those skinny bitches that will eat one or two cookies and complain about how full they are, and how they've been so naughty they feel guilty. WTF? What do they need to feel guilty about? I don't just eat 1 or two cookies, I eat an entire sleeve. Or I just keep eating until I'm either so full that I want to explode, or they're all gone. Just to be clear, I am NOT bragging about this. This is a real problem that I have, and I am very ashamed of it. Which is also why I end up doing all the binging in private. No need for hubby to see how much I can put away.

Now on the flip side, I actually really like exercising. It helps me with my stress levels. I hate going to the gym, but I love the way I feel when I leave. I love heading out on my bike in the summertime for a long 30km ride. Playing golf and walking the course. A great day on the slopes skiing. Don't get me wrong, I can be a couch potato as much as the next person. And let's face it, if I'm going to work out, it has to be in the morning. By the time I'm finished work I am far too tired.

But like they say, it's the 80/20 rule. 80% of what you put into yourself and 20% of what you do. I've got the 20% down pat.....the 80% is what I have the problem with.

It also doesn't help that I quit smoking 4 months ago. And have steadily put on 5 lbs per month since. And I really miss smoking. Hated the way it made me feel when I smoked too much. But if they came out with a research study saying that it was actually good for you, I would probably take it up again.

So, I was wasting some time online (like I always do when I'm bored), and there was an article about this woman who lost 75 lbs and kept it off. Of course the hook to get you to read the article was that she did this 1 thing before every meal. Well, why couldn't they just say that in the title? Save me the freaking time of having to scroll through the article? Anyways, her "1" thing was writing down her "why". Why she was doing it. Why she wanted the results etc. She wrote them down almost like an affirmation, and read them before every meal and workout and when she needed some extra motivation because she was feeling down. Her "why" could have been something like fitting into a bikini for a vacation, or needing more energy to run after her kids.

It's not a bad idea. I've never really been one to do the affirmations, or have a vision board. But maybe I can do this to start?

How much more weight do I want to lose? 50 lbs. Why do I want to lose it? I don't want my body to ache anymore. I want to feel sexy. I want to fit into smaller clothes. I want to look good in a bathing suit when I am going to Jamaica in March!

For now, those are my why's.

Where Does the Time Go?

Where does the time go?

Far too long since I've written anything down. But at the same time it seems like yesterday. Do you find that the days go slow and the months go fast? I do.

Been thinking a lot lately about my bucket list. So many places to see, things to do and concerts to see before I kick the bucket. But at the same time I've done a really good job of checking things off the list.

What is left on my list?

Places:

Antarctica - Yes I know it's cold, but I really want to see the Emperor Penguins
Iceland - Another cold place. But supposed to be beautiful and the most amazing Aurora Borealis
India - It is supposed to be a beautiful country and I would love to see the Taj Mahal. I worry about what the food there will do to my system though.
Bali - This is not an Eat Pray Love kind of thing. It looks beautiful there.
Holland - Been here before, but I want to go on a cycling tour around Holland
Switzerland - I want to ski the Swiss Alps. You can add in Austria to this.
China - I really want to walk along the Great Wall of China at sunrise (before any crowds show up)
Peru - I want to hike to Machu Picchu
Greece - Never been there. Looks beautiful. Not just the history, but the islands. I think it has a lot to do with Shirley Valentine.
Jordan - I really want to see Petra
England - OK, been there many times, but I still haven't seen Stonehenge
Bora Bora - OK, this one is the TOP of my list. Better save it to last, as I don't think I'll ever come back from that one!
Turkey - I want to see the balloons at Cappadocia
Maldives - Along with Bora Bora this is very high on the list. I want to see the underwater waterfall from above
Cambodia - The temples of Angkor Wat
Japan - I want to see the cherry blossoms in bloom
Kenya - I want to see the great migration on the Maasai Mara
New Zealand - Been here before, but I still I want to see Hobbitown and Milford Sound
Easter Island - See the big face statues
Galapagos Islands - See the birthplace of the Theory of Evolution
Philipines - Looks so beautiful

The list could go on and on. There are so many things to do and see before I die. I believe that knocking these things off my list will actually help me live! Which one shall I do next?

Next part of my bucket list will be things I want to do. But that will be later.

See you at the airport!

Things they never tell you....

As I am pretty well officially middle aged (although I will never admit it), I am starting into what many people will call:

The Change
Mental Pause
The "M" Word
The Big M

The list could go on and on.

So as somebody who is in the peri-menopause phase, I've been having a hell of a time with....what was I talking about again? Oh yes....forgetfulness. I walk into a room and can't remember why I walked in. In the middle of a sentence I forget what I was talking about. I give up.

Sleeplessness. I can't remember the last time I had a really good sleep. Oh wait, I think it was when I was under general anesthetic.

Hot flashes. Those moments when you are completely comfortable, and then a minute later I'm stripping down to practically nothing because I'm sweating so badly. During the polar vortexes last winter, my husband came home and found me standing on the front porch in shorts and T-shirt trying to cool off. And it's only gotten worse. Reminded me of a commercial that used to be on TV years ago for Shoppers Drug Mart. You see the back of a house during a blizzard. Woman walks outside in shorts, T-shirt and boots to take the cover off the air conditioner. I thought it was an exaggeration....it's not! I've been starting to refer to them as short tropical stay-cations.

So as we all have to go through with this, we really have to see some of the humour in it. I thought these jokes were quite cute:

What's the difference between a pit bull and a woman in menopause?

Lipstick

What's 10 times worse than a woman in menopause?

Two women in menopause.

Which is scarier, a puppy or a rational woman in menopause?

A puppy, because a rational woman in menopause doesn't really exist.

What's the best way for a husband to predict the mood of his menopausal wife?

Assume her mood is lousy, and occassionaly he'll be wrong.

"borrowed" those from another website. So I can't take any credit for them.
As if puberty, periods, pregnancy and delivery weren't enough. I think Mother Nature is truly a man.....if she were really a woman she would have known that we've had ENOUGH!

Keep cool all!

Goodbye Is So Final

I lost my aunt today. She was more like a big sister to me, as she was only 12 years older. Cancer. What a bugger of a disease. But she fought like hell right up to the end.

Sasha was fabulous! I used to go and spend weekends with her when I was growing up. Especially during those dreadful teenage years when I couldn't stand my Mom. She had this great place downtown, and we would do things that I always thought were so cool!

When I was 13, Sasha took me to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I was completely freaked out. Going to see a movie where everybody got dressed up, and shouted all the lines to the movie; through confetti and toast...and what was that funny smell? Didn't smell like normal cigarettes to me! I went back to my middle class life in the suburbs and told all my friends about this movie....none of them believed me!

Sasha loved cooking. She introduced me to some really exotic foods. Some were really good, but the one that sticks out most is my first experience with bouillabaisse. It had to be the worst thing I had ever tasted! To this day, just the thought of having a bowl turns my stomach, although I'm sure it's very tasty!

And the music! While my parents listened to Roger Whitaker and Nana Mouskouri....Sasha introduced me to great bands like ELO!

In recent years she was a rock for my Mom when my Dad died. And when there were problems with other family members. She was a level head when I couldn't see straight.

Sasha, I love you and I will miss you.

How Did I Get Here?

I think I used to be fabulous. Seriously. I did things that people find envious.

After dropping out of university after 2nd year (really wasn't for me), I moved west and lived in a beautiful ski resort town and worked at a grand hotel.

After a couple of years there, I hit the road and started backpacking around Australia. I worked when I needed to, spent most of my time at the beach working on a tan, and lets face it....I partied. I worked in the middle of the dessert, and worked at Expo. I created life long friends, and so many happy memories.

Then I came home. Why? I keep asking myself this question. Truthfully, I was kind of lost. Sick of living out of a backpack, missing my family and needing to set some roots somewhere. I couldn't extend my visa anymore, and I couldn't afford to apply for residency. I figured I would come home for a couple of years, make some money and go back. I've been home for 27 years now.

Fast forward....

I've now been married for 20 years. I run a manufacturing company. I am a mother to a 19 year old. I am peri-menopausal. I am on the edge of turning 29 for the 21st time. Sorry....still can't say that age. I am wondering how I got here.

These will be my tales from the edge of middle age.